While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. Others go the extra mile and debate whether the person might actually make it to heaven or settle for hell. They also believe that the souls next incarnation depends on the personskarma (actions during their previous life). If its not possible to visit there, then make a phone call. Because of the short cremation time, there is no requirement for embalming. If you didn't know him, you could mention something special you've heard about him. 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If you wonder what Hindu funeral traditions are like, they can be different from traditional American funerals, but the core fundamentals remain the same. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. Ask the person who will be officiating at the service for any tips on preparing and delivering a eulogy. Weather conditions, circumstances and setting of the funeral, and religious and cultural traditions may affect the choices for clothing made. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service Whether you are going to a Hindu funeral or just want to send condolences to an acquaintance, we've provided 15 thoughtful examples as a place to start. This link will open in a new window. Making a phone call or a visit can mean a lot during such times. If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. At a funeral, either the casket is carried by professionals provided by the funeral home, in which case the honorary pallbearers follow, two by two, or they flank the casket, as it is wheeled down the aisle. 4. One must specifically avoid words that trivialise the event, some hilarious examples being: I cant believe he is deadhe looks like he might just get up any minute! The important thing is that you have received comfort from the many who have helped you. A Hindu priest is an officiant, who presides over all Hindu funeral rites. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. During which time, the bereaved will recite prayers over the casket and place rice balls near the head of the body. Certain rituals occur in the final moments, including: What should health and care professionals bear in mind? 15. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal The soul is neither born, nor does it ever die; nor having once existed, does it ever cease to exist. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. Twitter. Although their intent might be good, it doesnt always work that way. In this sect of Hinduism, there's no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. If youre not familiar with these Hindu funeral customs, you may also see a lot of food and drink. Please consider whitelisting us in your ad blocker so that we can continue to provide the content you have come here to enjoy. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. Service animals are allowed. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. Certain Hindus may choose to remain at home during the mourning period and not visit the temple. Do not grieve for his body, for his soul is eternal. Simple condolences are universally acceptable. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. Unfortunately, when a son dies, some people come up with public statements along the lines of Theyve lost their only son which is an unfair statement that reeks of gender bias. After the mourning period, it is appropriate to visit the deceaseds family at their place. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. Such tasks can include arranging for the ambulance, delivering food, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, taking care of paperwork, keeping smaller children occupied and assisting with funeral arrangements. Loss is hard. Emily Post training and consultation services are available for groups, businesses and individuals. Hindus believe cremation is the fastest way for aiding the soul to escape the body. If you don't feel comfortable having your daughter view an open casket, skip the visiting hours and simply attend the service. It is customary to make a brief visit and spend a few moments in private prayer and then to visit with the family members. On the first anniversary of the death, a memorial event (shraaddha) is held to pay homage to the deceased. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. Our expert guidance can make your life a little easier during this time. In general, it is never inappropriate to dress in a way that reflects respect and sorrow for the somber moments of mourning a loss. By clicking "Accept", you agree to our website's cookie use as described in our Cookie Policy. May she rest in peace. This is an important death ritual, which usually takes place throughout the mourning period. Find out what to do and discover resources to help you cope. If you're completely overwhelmed by the prospect, and feel that you must decline, it's okay to do so. The Awesome Etiquette podcast is a weekly Q&A show where hosts, (cousins, and co-presidents of the Emily Post Institute,) Lizzie Post and Dan Post Senning answer audience questions, tackle etiquette topics in detail and salute good etiquette witnessed by the Awesome Etiquette audience. Following their bathing, they will clean the house, as it is a Hindu belief that when someone dies, their home and its inhabitants are left unclean and impure. Ask for his/her input and a checklist of what needs to be decided and completed. Hindu Quotes of Condolence and Healing. Honorary pallbearers do not actually carry the casket at a funeral, and they do not serve at a memorial service because there is no casket present. It is specifically meant for those who are contemplating visiting a recently bereaved family. All rights reserved. Pinterest. So, they can view the body when they enter the house and offers some brief words of condolence to the bereaved family. Sleep is a basic bodily need, and lack of it can take a person down in no time. There is a gathering of family and friends who are grieving. We believe reflecting on our mortality can help us lead more meaningful lives. It is customary and appropriate to visit the family at home, especially during the days following the funeral. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. Family is very important in Hinduism and healthcare decisions should be made together (normally with the most senior family member or eldest child). Because people will be standing, it is customary to keep the ceremony brief. The traditions and rites of Hindu funerals may vary. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after. Memorial Day for Divorced Parents. Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. You are lucky he went early!, I know how you feel, I was devastated when my cat died last year!. Explain that you don't feel you can do it, and be honest as to why. Can I get anything for you?" Oh, I forgot I think she was also wearing lip gloss!. Hare Krishna. During this period, the immediate family follows all Hindu mourning rites. Here's a list of simple and concise condolence messages that can be sent to a person in grief. At the point of acute loss, the person will be numb and will not be able to listen to long lectures and suggestions by visitors. Those can include: During these thirteen days, the family and friends of the deceased are given the freedom to express their grief rather than keep it bottled up inside. We loved her as our class teacher, she meant so much for all of us.. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. people will avoid going to the deceased house. Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. There are several ways to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed, including visiting in person. In many locales, even those who don't know each other will rally to assist bereaved neighbors in some way. Everplans is not a licensed healthcare provider, medical professional, law firm, or financial advisory firm, and the employees of Everplans are not acting as your healthcare providers, medical professionals, attorneys, or financial advisors. When someone has lived a happy, full life, there may be increased celebrations and dancing. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. Why its so easy for Modi to appropriate icons hes opposed to Can you give an appropriate caption for this? The gesture must be in line with the persons proximity to the family, and the familys own cultural preferences. However, you may send or bring flowers ahead of time. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: So, the actual funeral takes place at the deceaseds home, although actual events can be considered a wake according to western standards because of its short span. Visitors are also welcome during this period. Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. While every group has slightly different funeral practices, theres a general set of funeral rites that all follow in this community. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed. Shell never be forgotten. During this period, the close relatives of the deceased person abstain from celebrations and . His commitment to creating a better world was apparent in every project he started. It's a good idea to have a friend read over your eulogy. Whilst it is favourable to do this within 24 hours, it is widely accepted amongst the Hindu community that the administrative process will take longer in the UK. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. It is important to avoid language bloopers like hearty condolences, a common error in this part of the world. No two families and no two deaths are the same; it is therefore a pointless exercise. Likewise, the person who passes an ugly remark at a solemn family function might not even realise what he said or did was hurtful. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. https://www.learnreligions.com/healing-words-for-tragic-times-1770148. Today is a sad day for us. Sri kamakshi Lunch box Brahmin Home made cooking service - around madipakkam, velacherry. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. Don't forget that you can also e-mail your coworker to express your thoughts before you write your condolence note. Flowers play a significant role in Hindu funerals but are used much differently from those in Western funerals. subject to our Terms of Use. Comforting the Bereaved Family and friends will express condolences and comfort by attending the Vigil Service and the Funeral Mass if possible. It could even work over various social media platforms or a sympathy card. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Close friends who are invited to attend will receive a personal invitation to the event. Such decisions are often based upon the circumstances of the family and the level of their commitment to the traditions of Hinduism. That being said, our approach to the bereaved cannot be generalised beyond a point; each situation is unique, as is each family. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. Exchange stories about your loved one. What to do: Mourners may dress casually. Kalyana saavu is roughly translated as happy death, and you would use this phrasing to honor someones life and legacy. And if you plan on visiting themyou'll spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. Shinto - The tradition is to give used money to the family in an envelope decorated in black and silver. Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. In summary, visiting a grieving family requires good knowledge of etiquette as outlined above. 24/7 +65 9135 4444 Dismiss. Suit and ties for men and dresses for women, usually in greys or dark colors, are common clothing choices. There is often an emphasis on white flowers. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. Medicine is not an exact science, and the human body is not a machine that has replaceable parts or even an instruction manual. Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. You could offer to be helpful to her, perhaps by helping her with her workload the day of the funeral or memorial service. It is customary to visit within 10 days the family of the person who passed away. (1995). Traditionally, the Hindu mourning period ranges from 10 to 30 days. We often hear people say things like Dont be sad, Dont cry, It is all for good, I know how you feel, He is in a better place now in an attempt to provide comfort. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. If not familiar with the situation, it is helpful to call a friend who knows the family, to find out beforehand when and where to visit, and what the right thing to do is while visiting. Please accept my condolences for your loss. 6. 10 () . She lived her life to its fullest, so we should celebrate her life to honor her legacy. Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. Hare Krishna. Every one of the rituals within the Hindu ceremonies is a reality check to help us confront our grief, interact with it, accept it and keep going on--both in life and spiritually.". Such dramatic statements serve no useful purpose to anybody except perhaps the perpetrator. However, it is usually the eldest son who presides at the cremation. That said, if you are thinking about contacting the bereaved or would like to offer your condolences, you should absolutely do so. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. It is best to make the enquiries on the day of death, and remain close to the bereaved and assisting them.If this is not possible, one can visit the house on even days except monday, tuesday and friday., even the monday is an even day thanjavur dist. We are very sorry for your loss. Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. We pray that Lord Krishna gives you great strength to travel through all of this suffering. Surinder taught his children to live with intent and to be good ancestors. Your mother had a happy death. However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. Your clear expression of sympathy and caring for your coworker is what matters the most. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. Candles and flowers decorate the wake , as well as the funeral service and the burial ground. This is made worse when people pick the phone up and start talking at the top of their voice as though they were at a party. The soul is unborn, eternal, immortal and primeval. That said, its the intent alongside the words that mean the most to nearly anyone. She'll let you know, when you ask, whether or not she wants to see you and or needs anything. The guests should expect to see the body, offer condolences to the bereaved family, and take a seat quietly. Members of the immediate family aren't chosen, as their place is with the family. what to say to someone who has experienced a death, How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say. Give items to use or display in the home in remembrance of the loved one. Think through how you truly feel about it. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? Duplicate and frame favorite photo (s) of your loved one for family gifts. Rather than ask Do you need anything it is better to be specific about what we can do for them. It is helpful to remember that this is not a place where attendance gets marked, and definitely the last place to be soliciting ones business regardless of what it might be. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. The word hearty means happy and should not be confused with heart-felt. Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. This article is written to highlight the dos and the dont-s in most situations. Only one rule should guide you in writing sympathy messages: say what you truly feel. 13. If the bereaved person would rather speak to someone they dont know or needs additional support, specialist bereavement support services (see below) are available. Friends and family visit the bereaved during the period of mourning which in Hindu traditions lasts for around 13 days. While silence is perfectly acceptable, a few well-chosen, soft words of comfort can help ease the pain. Harper San Francisco. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. Adherence to a strict mourning period is less common today. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. In Hinduism, it is not uncommon for someone to formulate their unique way of practicing their faith. Although attitudes and risk tolerances vary, no sane parent would knowingly do anything that would harm their child. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. We depend on advertising to keep our content free for you. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. There is an intense period of mourning immediately following the cremation or burial service which lasts thirteen days. Thank the family for offering the honor to you. New threads and replies may not be made here. Sit down at your desk as soon as you hear of the death and let your thoughts be with your coworker as you write to her. Though the above list is handy, we need to be extraordinarily perceptive and must have the ability to adapt according to the mood and vibe prevailing in each instance. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. We hope her journey is comforted by Lord Krishna (or Lord Rama). What customs and traditions should I be aware of so that I can be respectful? Families differ in their religious beliefs, social preferences and cultural outlook. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. Hindu mourning rituals will vary according to the sect, caste, circumstances of the family and a variety of other elements. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and Grief is Complex, Etiquette Can Help Keep it Simple. Good behaviours while visiting the bereaved. Generally, one can expect to listen to mantras being chanted around the deceaseds body at a house funeral. If you are a colleague or acquaintance: Send an email or handwritten note immediately. Alternatively, consider upgrading your account to enjoy an ad-free experience along with numerous other benefits. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). India Today Web Desk, I. When it comes to jewelry, they should not wear anything flashy and keep it light. The nominations for the 93rd Academy Awards will be announced on March 15. Visiting in person and/or attending one or more of the traditions and rituals the visitation, wake, or shiva, the funeral or memorial service, and the burial or final resting service can be appropriate and will be appreciated by the mourning family. After that, the body has to be cremated. Check with another neighbor or look in your local newspaper for an obituary or death notice. People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. Though etiquette is slowly changing, custom has usually dictated that those attending a visitation or funeral should wear semi-formal clothing. 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During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. This link will open in a new window. It's worth noting that some communities and faiths have an open casket at the visitation and at the funeral service. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. Liberation is characterised as the attainment of the transcendent. Deciding to stop by at a funeral on the way to a wedding, therefore, can be suicidal. What rituals take place before someone dies? Food will be served following the ceremony. In the United States, cremation needs to be performed only by a licensed crematory. The person who made the comment might not have meant badly, but wrongful words and actions can cause a lot of hurt in these delicate situations. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. Bereavement support organisations for all faiths, Useful bereavement resources for health and care professionals, Useful Good Thinking bereavement resources for all faiths. While the thirteen day intense period of Hindu mourning rituals may involve family and friends, the immediate family of the deceased is considered in mourning for a year following the death of the loved one. is the best and appropriate choice. The length of the mourning period in Korea is largely dependent on the individual and is traditionally for 100 days. Friends and relatives may visit to offer condolences and participate in Hindu prayer and scriptural readings to provide solace to the bereaved. However, they can participate in the chanting of mantras taking place thereafter. People should wear white and not black. Recalling a good deed that the person did, but the family was perhaps unaware of, can be particularly heart-warming.