- Mickey Mantle. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. We share them in our weekly newsletter. They expect to succeed! Drop some in the comments! His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. They dont have the heart for it. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? A hole in one of a kind model.
Best Funny Golf Memes and Pictures in 2023 - MemesBams I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3.
86+ Funny Golf Quotes | Free HD Images & Pictures Download A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Family Game: Do you really know your Family?
13 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes You need to adjust your grip. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. He couldnt stop puttzing around! Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Look at the size of his putter. PG Wodehouse. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight.
A great shot is when you pull it off. Golf is very much like a love affair. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Its to move on. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. Please add a link to this article. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Besides that, I love to explore. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? Lift your head and spread your legs. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15.
Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. QuotesGram Are you a water hazard? Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. Whos there? Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes.
157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major?
19+ Best Dirty Medical Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns The battle that raged inside each players head. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. You hit down to make the ball go up. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. I`m really worried about myself. And that thought is: Dont think. Twelfth son of the Lama. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl.
Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Im the best. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf.
100 Great Golf Quotes All Keen Golfers Need To Read | Kidadl They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. When your golf cart capsizes. I've got some good news. Nuts! By stragetically placing fire hydrants. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Your email address will not be published. All lip, no hole. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. Keep your head down. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Required fields are marked *. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Why a carrot as a logo? In case he gets a hole in one. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose.
Golf Quotes (131 quotes) - Goodreads Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. 1. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. 8. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. Tahiti who? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. If you drink, dont drive. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? And it's damn funny. The smile looks really good on you. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. What are a golfers favorite flowers? Required fields are marked *. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. So that you can share them back, with the whole world.
20 Of The Best Golf Quotes Ever - Golf Monthly Magazine Everyday I'm Schauffele. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. What do golf and sex share in common? Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Knock, knock What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Why dont grasshoppers play golf? Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Wash your balls. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Go to the golf course. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. Your email address will not be published. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. What do you call a lion playing golf? J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I There is no such thing as a natural touch. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass..
He was puttering around. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Your email address will not be published. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. You must remember not to remember to think. Please sign up with your best email address. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. 9. All of them. -Bob Hope Your email address will not be published. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Lift your head and spread your legs. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Andy who? So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. . Do you share these funny golf jokes? Don't dirt your soul. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Drops him off at the golf course! To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. And it matters how we go about attaining them. 2. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Photo: Shutterstock. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? I'm pretty good with my short putts. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. Why do golfers hate cake? I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive.
150 Hilarious Golf Jokes And Puns 'Fore' Everyone Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. But you cant just forget not to think. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. 2. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!.
Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. How do you know you should be a golfer? Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Putter Around. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. And now it will be poisoned for you. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. He said. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. What does a golfer do on his day off? THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! P.G. Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Eight. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness."
65 Best Golf Quotes for Inspiration and Motivation Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. I chipped in from the rough! So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. First and foremost, you must have confidence. Fantastic 4-some. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. 3. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Two, be your own person. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? My caddy says I should use a hard 7.
50 Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Very interesting. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Man: Please dont go. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. I'll let you beat me. but I can show you what is! It was glorious when you did! -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Get in the hole! The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. The fourth putt! After 18 holes I can barely walk. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? Basketball is a sport for black men. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Peter Jacobson, 33. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. Whos there? Hi there!